


αnd six ωasn't α ηumber σf ℓuck

by Laeana



Series: ⑩ ωαүs тσ ∂ιε [5]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Character Death, Character Study, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Hurt No Comfort, Love, M/M, Pain, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:48:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26862382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laeana/pseuds/Laeana
Summary: He always thought they would live happily ever after.But now Max isn't here anymore.
Relationships: Daniel Ricciardo/Max Verstappen
Series: ⑩ ωαүs тσ ∂ιε [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1934587
Kudos: 5





	αnd six ωasn't α ηumber σf ℓuck

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [вut үou ℓeft](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22978207) by [Laeana](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laeana/pseuds/Laeana). 



ʀᴀɪɴ

* * *

**⑥**

He can give ten thousand meanings to how it happened.

The truth hit him in the worst possible way and Daniel ... Daniel isn't sure he's going to make it alive this time. He doesn't want to make it out alive this time.

It hurts so deep inside him, hurts to have lost the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and nothing will ever be the same, it will never be the same. He can't be happy again, he can't feel any better, and he can't hope to be released from the weight on his shoulders.

He read Max's diary. What he considers. Notes, bits and pieces strewn all over what used to be their apartment. Words and seeing it hurt so much but he needed to know why and how.

He wanted more than just finding his love in the bathroom. Blade. He came so late, so late, to find him in such bad shape.

Sentences which are sometimes nonsensical, no meaning but which resonates somewhere in him. Something familiar. Something deeper than it sounds. A message, the last, scribbled between two pages of sloppy lessons:  **But why aren't you here ? Where are you ?**

* * *

**⑤**

The darkness that has crept around Max and in Max, he is well aware of it. It's true, it was not difficult and what the younger one managed to hide from their whole group, he did not escape him. Never completely.

To have loved each other so much despite all the difficulties is perhaps proof that together they were able to do it anyway. To face everyday life.

He didn't take their meeting for chance, it would have happened one day or another considering how close their groups of friends were. His Dutchman had been so refreshing; renewal in a monotonous life and he had been so happy to meet him.

They got along well. They had disagreements, like everyone else, sometimes violent arguments, it's true. He always thought they were just like everyone else, with maybe a few extra eccentricities, nothing too bad. Ups and downs that could be fixed in a few winks. As long as they were together.

But he got out of their routine, he left, he fucking left. And Max ... his Max ...

* * *

**④**

He still thinks about it and it is a spiral that draws him to the bottom. Thinking that his boyfriend would come to such extremes, thinking that their argument would have such consequences ... he believed that he would leave, that they would each calm down on their own, as often, and would find each other as easily as whenever they bickered.

To come back to an empty house, empty of presence and life.

He's in pain, he's in so much pain and when he closes his eyes all he can see is Max. It is only him who counts but he is no longer there so he does not know what to do. His guilt suffocates him, preventing him from living a little more each day.

If he had been there, if he had been there to take the blade out of the hands of his beloved, to reassure him, to tell him that it was not serious, to hug him tightly. Kiss him one more time. He dreams of it, he has a nightmare. His eyes don't cry anymore, his heart does.

* * *

**③**

He took a long time to choose to do anything. He lived days with his friends, those who remained, and all of them looked at him with undisguised concern whenever he slipped in among them, without a laugh or a smile.

He can't do it anymore. Neither laugh nor smile, his joy was taken from him at the same time as his companion. He was taken from him and he finds him only in the flame of memories that burn him with his closed eyelids. He finds it hard to believe, to believe he can get better. We never fully heal the loss of someone, it's often a part of us that goes with it. He left.

He wraps the rope around his neck with a sigh, almost neglected.

* * *

**②**

From the top of the chair, things seem to take a different angle. A little height, a change of perspective. He can see the landscape through the window and the people who continue to live quietly beyond. It's strange. It's strange how small the world seems.

He is undecided. The memory of Max tells him that he should continue to fight, to live and his memory reminds him that his Dutchman has already chosen to stop everything. Conflictual. He thinks of his family, he thinks of the one he loved. His heart is torn violently. What if ... what if he still had to wait ? And if-

* * *

**①**

He's from behind, he doesn't see, he doesn't see the toppling of the chair.

**Author's Note:**

> What did you think about this chapter ? You should know that, in this serie, nothing is ever left to luck ... keep this mind, just in case of :))
> 
> What to say either way ... letting Daniel die pains me a bit even though the death of Max affected him to the point where he weren't exactly himself anymore. Who do you think will live, will die ?
> 
> Thanks for following this and reading !


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